My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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