I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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