dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
