My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
