Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize