Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
