new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
