Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
