What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
