please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
