i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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