He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
