Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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