Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
