you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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