A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize