why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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