OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
