my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
