Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
