Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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