Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Pants are for mortals
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
