dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
