The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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