i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
