I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
it's great music for shaving your balls
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
