I am puke
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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