The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
