You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The struggles of a small town man whore
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
