I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
