My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
