time to smoke my breakfast
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
