Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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