how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
