How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
