Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i barfeds in our rink
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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