i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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