she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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