I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
