Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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