awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
