nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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