If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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