I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
