Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i now understand why vodka
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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