I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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