glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
