I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
