she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
this just has baby written all over it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
