So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
