its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
