her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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