let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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