nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
