Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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