Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize