The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I came so hard my ears popped.
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