i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Never underestimate the power of titties
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize