Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize