My balls are so social today.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
