so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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