My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
