I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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