I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think your dad took our porno
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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