dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
