laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
