plz talk dirty to me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
