So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
