i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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