yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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