Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
