do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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