Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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