i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
