Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
