There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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