alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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