I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize