The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
