Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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