Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
