and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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