I'm sorry my penis didn't work
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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