I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
