I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
