i just snorted my name. best moment ever
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
