im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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