I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
