Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
