You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize