I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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