Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
