oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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