my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
