you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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